Faster than a speeding bullet or a martini shaker

For the last six months in Alberta, I've been living roughly 3000 feet above sea level. You wouldn't think this would affect daily living but it has encumbered me with a serious handicap. It is kind of like drinking in an airplane all the time. Two glasses of chardonnay and I'm ready for bed. It's really quite embarrassing. I'm a Nova Scotian. We are only allowed to live in the province as long as you can drink a case of Keith's over the run of a night.

But recently I went home to Halifax for Christmas and discovered something amazing. Something wonderful. I don't think it would be an exaggeration to call it a Christmas miracle.

I discovered I had a superpower. However instead of being able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, or run faster than a speeding bullet my superpower was the ability to drink as much alcohol as I wanted without feeling the effects (relatively speaking obviously. If I drank a bathtub of moonshine I don't think I would have been completely invincible. Everyone has their kryptonite).

It was kind of like training with extra weights all year and finally taking them off to run the marathon. Or practicing with a weighted bat and hitting a home run over and over again with the light one. On Christmas Eve I was 4 glasses of wine and a bottle of beer into the festivities when Mom threatened to cut me off before Mass. I calmly explained the logistics of my superpower to her. Alas, like most mere mortals, she was not able to believe in the supernatural. Neither did my waiter at the Fireside.

Top 5 things that make Halifax awesome...

1. Pizza Corner. This includes donairs, donair pizza, cheap slices and by extension the meat on the stick guy that has a stand a few feet down.

2. Friends and family. Obviously they have to make the cut or I won't have a place to stay when I get home on Tuesday. Loves!

3. The pubs! Namely the Henry House, Rogue's, and the Lower Deck. This also includes the food and beer sold there. What's better than regular pepperoni? Deep fried pepperoni!

4. Parties! Namely Tips Eve and the Annual Lingley Chili Party.

5. A Timmy's on every corner. And drive-thru's. Insert happy, expectant sigh here.

Ice, snow and gravel galore!

I'm listening to the radio. It's been a full 4 days since we had snow on Friday (maybe, maybe 10 cm) and traffic is at a standstill in Cowtown. There have been 200 collisions since yesterday afternoon alone. Alex and I got trapped in traffic yesterday because cars couldn't get over hills. Why? Why so long after any snow had fallen??

Because Calgary doesn't plow. Ever.

Apparently their strategy in the past has been to wait for the next Chinook to come and melt everything. Well it's been minus 20 since the snow fell and is expected to stay there til after Christmas. So melting isn't going to work. And last week when it did get up to 6 degrees for a few hours, it was just long enough to melt the snow before it dropped below zero and turned to ice. Wicked.

In the meantime I'm driving on packed snow fairly ok with my winter tires. The problem is the number of people driving on the roads, spinning the snow down a bit and making black ice! Oh and don't forget the people who don't bother to get snow tires (like the lady I was stuck behind last night on the hill.)

Come on city! Get rid of the snow!

Oh the weather outside is frightful...

I have discovered another reason to be a teacher. Is it:
A) The knowledge that I get to change lives.
B) The great cafeteria food. (Actually it's pretty good. Try the pastrami)
C) Summers off.

or

D) A new exciting way to avoid work in the winter...."cold days."

The answer is D. School is closed tomorrow because Calgary is currently experiencing a wind chill warning with temperatures expected to hit below 40 over night. No longer do I have to check the radar hourly to see if snow is possibly in the forecast! Now I just have to hope for an arctic chill.

I also can't breath if I go outside because I left my puffers back home and it feels like my chest is in an Iron Maiden. But I've got a case of beer, a fresh batch of Christmas baking, and warm blanket.

ps. less than 8 days til I'm back home for Christmas!! XO.

Behind enemy lines....

I can't get enough of the National, Peter Mansbridge or the current UFC match on Parliament Hill. However, I can't listen to the popular radio stations because the hosts keep spouting so much nonsense about the illegal coup in Ottawa that I get riled up until I'm a danger on the road.
I've read just about every article on the web on both sides of the coast and just got an email from Jack Layton asking me to participate in a "small town rally" this weekend. No offense Jack, no matter how much I'd like to see you bring Harper down, I'm not risking getting shot at in Calgary. Instead I've opted to watch Top Gun and think I'll spend the weekend making red pepper jelly for Christmas presents. Happy Holidays!

What's white and black and grey all over?

Facebook is being a stickler and deleted the video I made of my Cross Canada car trip. Yes, I had a song playing in the background of the video. Yes, technically it's copyright infringement. But that is where I pose this question...how far is too far? I made the video with the intention of posting it for my family, mostly because I am thousands of miles away and I wanted them to see it. The song was the perfect fit. I'm not making any money off of this. You can't download the song from the video to listen to the mp3. I have a dozen friends or more who have videos just like this on YouTube or Facebook. Is it wrong? Or has society moved into a direction that the music industry and the laws are lallygagging slowly behind?

To be honest, I can't totally decide. I yell at my students regularly about plagarism and stealing, but when it comes to personal use I kind of get stuck in a morally grey area. When I'm adding pictures to presentations or this blog I always use Flickr and search for photos that have permission to be commonly shared. I cite all my sources in papers. But songs are harder to comply with. Is there a Creative Commons License for music?

Mostly I'm pissed because this video took me hours to make and was my first attempt at MovieMaker. I'm also mad because I think someone had to report my video for it to be pulled. Which means someone amongst you is a traitor....

Dear Sid...

Dear Sidney Crosby,

I need you to do me a favour. I need you to beat the Calgary Flames in some big important type hockey game. Based on the previous sentence, I'm sure you realize I know very little about hockey. I'm not even sure if you play in the same league (divison??) as the Flames. But this need transcends hockey, in fact, it transcends sports.

Allow me to back track. I've recently moved from Nova Scotia to Alberta where I teach high school. It's bad enough that this province gets snow in August, I can't find a Tim's drive-thru, and everyone makes fun of my accent. No, what put me over the edge was when I did a lesson on important Canadians I used you as the example, and none of my sweet little students even knew who you were.

Angst ridden teenager #1: "Sidney Who? Crosby? Was he that dead singer?"
Me: "No, that's Bing. Sidney is the best hockey player alive."
Angst ridden teenager #1: "He sucks. The Flames rule." (banging on desks)
Me: "He's rated one of the top players in the NHL. He lived with Mario Lemieux. He's from my city. How can you say he sucks?!"
Angst ridden teenager #2: "He's weak. Your province sucks. Say carrrrr again."

And that, Sidney, is the problem with today's kids. They're disrespectful and they make fun of Nova Scotia. Last week one of them told me that my dad wasn't a real Canadian because he's an immigrant. I know I'm in big oil country and things are different from back home but I'm slowly losing my mind. That's why I need a win. I need something that I can wave in front of the class and say "A Nova Scotian did this. He's awesome. We rule all." And yes, I realize that isn't the most mature approach I could take but it would feel awfully sweet. It would be like my own Stanley Cup. And I don't even need you to win that, just get far enough to burn those Flames to the ground.

If you do, a Keith's is on me.

No rats in Alberta

Here is a list of things that Alberta lacks:

1. Maple trees. Maple leaves. Probably Maple Leafs too. The leaves are changing here already and they are all turning yellow. Typical.
2. Blue jays. I am beginning to see a pattern. Maybe Alberta really does hate Toronto.
3. A helmet law. You can bike without wearing one if you are over 16.
4. Apparently any education on the fact that multiculturalism is already an official policy in Canada, and no it isn't just some crazy thing those "leftists" cooked up.
5. Regulated liquor stores. Which means the ones here can be open as late as 2 am. Awesome.
6. Tim Horton's drive-throughs. Ok there are a couple but they are few and far between.
7. Rats. There are no rats in Alberta. Apparently they even have a special "Rat Patrol" to make sure of this.
8. A decent recycling program.
9. Moisture. My skin is like leather.
10. A chance in hell of voting Harper out of office. Seriously.

Loves!

Here's a treat.

Don't feed the wildlife

I had a disturbing thought today. Well thoughts. I was getting ready for a hike and packing the usual: bug spray, flashlights, bandaids, etc. I was about to pack some cereal bars for a snack when I realized that food might not be the best thing to bring with me. What if the local bears wanted to eat my snacks? Here in Banff, there are bears everywhere. If you go camping in the woods they recommend you hang your food in a tree so it won't attract bears. But this is my question....don't I smell like food to them? What is the point of hiding my food if my whole body looks like an extra value meal at McDonald's to them? Then I wondered if I was an extra value meal, what kind of extra value meal would I be? What kind of extra value meal would you be?

Tips for surviving in a National Park..or how I snuck into one for free

After living in Banff for almost a month I've decided that I should share the pearls of wisdom that I've learned. These are the sorts of things most locals might not think of, but a "come from away-er" will pick up on instantly.

1. Nobody is called "come from away-er's" out here. Everyone is from away. The largest percentage of the Banff population is made up of Aussie chicks and French dudes. By French, I mean Quebec snowboarder dudes who are slightly out of place in July. If you want to blend in with this "local" population you need the following camoflauge:

• don't shower for at least a week.
• get dreds.
• wear only Roxy or Quiksilver.
• talk in a ridiculous accent and make out with all your co-workers.
  

2. When entering the park there are two lanes at the gates. The left lane is where you pay your park fees ($9.80 daily). The right lane is for traffic continuing on to British Columbia. ALWAYS take the right lane. It's an honour system. Fools.

3. The wildlife here will kill you, given the chance. This includes bears, cougars, wolves, coyotes, elk, deer and magpies. The magpies will peck your eyes out. And elk are not for riding. The month before I arrived, a guy had a cougar jump out of a tree at him. Not the post-menopausal cougar with a cocktail in hand, a real cougar. Though to be fair, who can say which is worse.

4. Invest in some good kleenex. I'm not sure if it is the dryness or the altitude difference but I've never had a nose bleed in my life and I get them daily now. Also, you'll get boogers the size of a loonie.

5. Get a whip and a cowboy hat so you can befriend the cowboys across the street. It also helps if you have a truck that you park half on the sidewalk everyday with a beer in hand.

6. Cheese is really really expensive. Get a Safeway card.

7. The closest Tim Horton's is in Canmore. That's about a 15-20 minute drive. Add on a 20 minute wait at the drive through if you hit it before noon. It's probably better if you buy the coffee grinds there and make it at home.

That's it for now, I'm sure that in the upcoming weeks I'll add a few more on. Cheers!

Dr. Horrible....he's got a ph.d. in horrible.

The Dark Knight. The Incredible Hulk. Iron Man.

What action film could be more anticipated and more cheesy than those three combined?

The answer is "Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog. " It stars Neil Patrick Harris as Dr. Horrible, and Nathan Fillion as his arch nemesis, Captain Hammer. The film comes in three parts and is about 40 minutes long. It was written and directed by Joss Whedon, the genius behind the Buffy tv series and Firefly. It was available online for free up until last weekend but you can purchase it off of iTunes and a DVD is expected to be out soon with extras. And if you are wondering, the answer is yes, I bought it. It was too good to not be able to watch it over and over again.

The plot of the film is fairly basic, Dr. Horrible is a b-list evil genius who is trying to take over the world but falls in love with the cute girl at the laundromat. Add a cheesy superhero, Captain Hammer, who thwarts Horrible's every move and you have a fun flick. Add multiple musical numbers and it's just freaking awesome.

For a quick taste of the trailer, check it on out here. Enjoy!

Way to drop the ball, uh puck, CBC

Most people who know me would easily say I'm not a sports fan. I only watch playoffs and I'll cheer for whomever is the underdog or has the cutest players. The only exception to that is the World Cup (South Africa 2010) and I'm currently tracking down long lost relatives to stay with in Cape Town for that.

But despite my lack of sport fan-ness (fan-dom? fan-cheerleader?), I got riled up again today when I read this article and even more riled up when I saw this interview on the CBC.

The theme song to Hockey Night in Canada will be no more. Apparently the CBC and the composer have been in negotiations for some time and have been unable to come to an agreement regarding the payment for the song. The composer's people claim they offered basically the same terms they've had for the last decade or so, while the CBC claims the composer refuses to deal. There is also an issue of a lawsuit due to the fact the CBC put the theme up for ringtones without the composers permission, but again both sides disagree over whether that was an issue in the negotiations.

So what now? What will hockey fans, nay, fans of Canada, listen and hum along to each Saturday night next year?

Apparently the CBC is holding a contest (which Scott Moore, the executive director of CBC Sports, said he's had in the works for over a year. Makes you wonder how hard they were negotiating) where ordinary Canadians will be able to enter a song to become the new theme. The prize is $100,000 and all royalties will go to minor hockey across the country.

Scott Moore, in the video interview above, stated that he is encouraged by the enthusiasm fans have been protesting this decision because it shows they are enthusiastic about the show and the theme and therefore will be enthusiastic about choosing a new song. He even states that "nothing is irreplaceable, and no one is irreplacable."

Does that mean he's going to be looking for a new job come Monday? I hope so.

Moving home at 27

About six months ago I pondered whether or not I should change the address of this blog...movinghome25...mainly cause it seemed largely irrelevant since 1. I don't live at home anymore and 2. I'm 27. Well, it seems God heard my musing and decided to laugh at me. Loudly.

In short, I'm moving back home.
In about 10 days.
I hope Mom's got some cookies baked for me.

In case you haven't heard, I'm moving out west this summer (apparently this totally cute guy lives in Banff and is willing to take me in) and my sister is taking over my apartment for the summer. I get to save money while I work til the end of June and, even more importantly, I don't have to move any heavy furniture and Ali gets my spice collection for free. All in all an excellent deal for all parties involved.

Course if you remember the last time I moved home, I went so crazy I had to make this blog as an outlet. So here's hoping two years has made me wiser and my mom more patient.

I thought being a historian would be more like this...

This might make me throw up with excitement. Nuff said.

Beam me up Scotty

Ok I know that this far exceeds my geek quota for the month but I stumbled across this article from the Associated Press tonight. Apparently, dozens of witnesses around Stephenville, Texas report seeing a UFO over the past couple of weeks. Locals say it was a large, quiet and fast moving object that was possibly a mile long and seemed to have no bolts or seams holding its metallic structure together.

Riiiiiiiiiiight. And Spock was waving from the cockpit.

Ok, sarcasm aside, it made me curious so I started trolling around on the internet looking up related articles. And I found this, the website for the National UFO Reporting Center. If you are bored, this website does have an article regarding the sightings of "rocket dust" over Canada last month which made a lot of the local news stations. There are first hand reports of supposed UFO sightings, crop circles and my personal favourite, possible urinal dumps from airplanes. (It's raining pee??) You can even look up recent reports and see where around the world UFO reports are coming in (watch out Paris, there was one in India last month.)

All in all, fabulous. Who knew there were this many crazies, and organized crazies no less, out there? Imagine if they looked up one night and saw this....

Everyone's Irish on March 17th....or 15th

The best thing about being a teacher is that St. Patrick's Day, the holiest of drinking holidays, nearly always falls during March Break. This ensures that I have the day off to hit the pub and the next day off to recover. I'm not saying this is why I chose my career, but it was definitely on the list of things I considered. This year I started to panic because March 17th falls on the first Monday back to school after the break and I was worried I'd miss my traditional festivities.

Worried that is until His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI stepped in to score a point for Irish Catholics everywhere! With March 17th also falling during "Holy Week" (the week leading up to Easter), the church was faced with moving the official celebrations for St. Patrick's Day. The last time this happened was in 1940 when March 17th fell on Palm Sunday. This year the church has chosen to move the saint's day to the Saturday, March 15th, allowing us to revel, celebrate and then recuperate on Sunday. Go Pope!

Saturday, March 15th 2008. St. Patrick's Day. Slainte.


PS. Alright I've done some extensive research (on google) and it appears that, as usual, the Western World is thumbing it's collective nose at the pope. Various St. Paddy's Day events and parades are being scheduled from anywhere's as early as March 9th to the 17th. So don't cross March 17th off your calendars yet....I might be calling in sick that day.